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I think. Therefore, I am confused. Fill your eyes, ears and mind with thoughts, rantings, historical references, stories, quotes and music. Read. Absorb. Learn. Grow. It's a daily experience. Learning concepts, ideas, and principles that make meaning in your life, is a spiritual quest. Wasting time on senseless crap like useless social media postings, stupid video postings and other mindless crap wastes your time, your mind and your soul. Enrich yourselves with all the world has to offer to make you a better person and make our communities better, safer places.
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These original poems reflect my many years from the emo teen, twenty-something sexual exploration and identification, Marxist rebellion, lost love, parenthood, aging without grace, pre-mid life crisis, post-mid life crisis, and my coming death. Nothing wrong with emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual upheavals. We are put into situations that make us think deeply. It is that thinking that brings on our depression, at times, our mental instability but also our artistic purges. I think, therefore, I am utterly confused.
1995
Smoke filled,
hazy,
noisy chatter,
a loud band plays tunes.
Through the crowd,
a smoke room glimpse,
and a quick head turn.
Pretend not to notice,
but you know
the other exists,
The urges to grasp another quick glimpse
require an internal struggle.
The image drives a nervous energy
in near presence.
Not now.
Not now,
Just a quick silent hello
while passing by.
It’s not just a glance
but a smile with bright eyes
that throws my mind into a trance.
1995
Star Child.
Heaven’s child.
Looking.
Searching.
Wanting.
Appearing like a free soul,
she is imprisoned
by the traumas of youth.
The desire to experience
induced ecstasies
and spiritual sensations
is lost by the returning
sorrows of youth.
She continues the quest.
Sometimes we cannot see the forest
for the trees.
We can’t see the stars during the day
but we know they are there.
Maybe it’s closer than you think.
I cannot tell you child,
nor should I,
for each of us makes our own path.
You must discover it for yourself
to better appreciate
what and who you are.
Poor soul,
the free spirit is bound
by the traumas of youth.
1995
For your information,
all the news that is fit to print
will rot in print.
Steamroll ahead
and print all the news that fits
our parent company agendas.
Disney.
Westinghouse.
General Electric.
Corporate control over
the nation’s information,
the citizen mind set,
and telecommunications breakdown.
Media outlets die to mega mergers,
stifling our ability
to read,
to hear,
to think about real issues.
Murdoch out Fox-xed
the best Congress
money can buy.
AT&T reached out
and touched Newt.
Telecommunications industry
is communicating
its desires to their lackeys
in Congress.
Grass roots is swallowed by cash roots,
as the information entertainment industry
chokes off progressive radio,
independent labels,
and thought-provoking news
to meet its own profitable self-serving interests.
Influenced purchased deregulation
is regulating our abilities
to get our ideas across.
While we get excited about 500 channels,
we fail to notice who is controlling it.
They profit and share it with Congress.
We buy into the crap
they stuff into our heads.
1995
Multicultural.
Multilinguistic.
Multinational.
Multi-problematic issue.
What’s the threat?
Years ago,
Hitler blamed the Jews
before anyone thought
that they were a problem.
Yesterday,
Karadzic blamed the Muslims
before anyone thought they were a problem.
Today, here,
Buchanon, Newt, Gramm, McConnell, Trump, Musk
blame anything on immigrants
before anyone thought they were a problem.
Official language.
Official religion.
Official sexual orientation.
Official history.
Artificial officials.
We live in the same communities.
We go to the same schools.
We ride the same buses and trains.
We work in the same offices.
So, why are we divided?
Simply because leaders divide us
claiming white English-speaking Christians
were christened to be in god’s country.
What is to come?
Vanilla: The official flavor?
Marshmallows: The official candy?
Angel food cake: The official dessert?
Whole white milk: The official drink?
The moral authorities sing the same old racist song.
If it’s white, it’s alright.
So, why do we buy into the official language
of bullshit?
1995
Running hard.
Running scared.
What the hell are we running from?
Our own fears?
Perceived fears?
Fears breed threats.
Threats breed anger.
Anger breeds hate.
1995
In the land
of wide lawns and narrow minds,
they walk the walk.
Dressed like people
from the hippest parts
of the hog butcher of the world,
ttey walk the walk.
Check and see.
They are veneer PC.
They walk the walk.
They talk the talk.
The bastion of liberal thought
crawls with wolves
in sheep’s clothing as
they walk the walk.
Can’t tell who is an agent of quality control
because they walk the walk.
Body snatchers.
Dog catchers.
They will get you too.
Dissent is not allowed
in this town
where
they walk the walk
but
talk the talk
of
closet conservatives.
A special thanx to the high school teachers in my youth. Ms. Soelter encouraged me to find myself in the written and spoken word. She inspired me to write, to think deeply about the mysteries of life, love, death, spirituality and the universe. Mr. Kulieke showed me an appreciation for science and how the universe and nature work in harmony. Ms. Maslow amazed me with the beauty of numbers and mathematics. All these enriched my soul, made me think, gave me reason to question and led to many years of therapy. Still, I search for meaning, answers and purpose in the final stage of my life.